you're comparing yourself to everyone on your feed. maybe social media's not the real problem...

hiiii friend,

first of all, what the fuck? how did we get to 3600 subscribers before the first newsletter even went out last week? this is so crazy to me because i’ve never asked my audience to do anything, ever. so asking you guys to subscribe to my newsletter, even though there’s a free version, was mortifying for me (((((which i get is weird because i have chosen social media as my career path which means i need to use it to make money, but still)))))

so when the response was so positive, it was overwhelming. the fact that so many of you emailed me and had something to say about how you feel about me as a person or my content honestly made me so happy. like, i can’t even comprehend it.

and it just proved to me that i need to not feel so scared to do these things. because you were always keen to have conversations with me, but there was never a platform to do so. all that to say, you really will never be able to understand how grateful i am that you’re here.

my question to you in my first email was around what frustrates you when it comes to social media. and ahhh you guys had so much to say on that topic. by far the most common response was the comparison culture, and believe me i get it. as much as you feel the comparison, I feel it too.

fuck, i have 2.5 million followers and i live in an old, single bedroom split villa. i can’t even turn the heater on in the winter because i need all the windows open to dry out this old place. according to social media, anyone who has this many followers is living in a nice apartment (((or at least that’s how it seems, right?))).

along the same lines, in my ‘25 things i’ve had to unlearn at 25’ series, the one that had the most views and got me the most followers was on the topic of jealousy. so obviously comparision is a universal thing that really hit home for a lot of people. i know for some of you, it actually feels crippling to be on social media. but as someone who makes their livelihood on socials, i actually have to mentally find a way through.

so today’s newsletter is going to deviate from me telling you what i’ve done on my channels. because i want socials with jony to be a conversation with you, and this was such a huge theme in your emails to me that i want to talk about it today……

ok, you might not like what i’m about to say, but stick with me for a minute. as much as we love to blame social media for making us feel like shit, these platforms are really just platforms. i can’t honestly sit here and believe that these companies are going ‘let’s make everyone feel miserable about themselves.’ no, they are just thinking about how to make money by providing you free entertainment.

which means the real perpetuators of negativity and a toxic social media landscape is you and me. because when i take a step back and look at the things that make my social media experience shit, it's actually me that’s allowing it to be shit. if we are honest, there’s this self sabotage part of us that enjoys being in this hole. that continues to watch content that makes us feel terrible, even when we know we should scroll away.

and just like any part of our life that we dislike, fundamentally we are the ones that have to choose how we interact with it. and the first step is asking why something is bothering us. what toxic things we’re doing to contribute to the problem. what we can change. what we have control over.

comparison and jealousy are not things that only happen on social media. they manifest in other areas of life, too. so at the end of the day, deleting your accounts will not help until you figure out how to work through those feelings. otherwise they will just keep popping up.

honestly, i think it requires a lot of self reflection to understand how the world and the things in it impact you. if you are someone who lacks self reflection and willingness to understand, it will be incredibly easy to blame your environment. but your environment, whether it’s social media or anything else, doesn’t work without your involvement.

yes, the platform perpetuates those feels of jealousy and negativity. but also, for it to perpetuate those, you have to watch that content in the first place. so while the answer to the wider issue of comparision is not to delete social media, we are here to primarily talk about socials.

so, as someone who can’t just delete my socials (((((well i could, but then i would have to go back to a 9-5))))) i want to share a few things i’ve learnt that may just help you too…

now i’m going to break each of these down and what they look like for me. i’m also going to give you a few questions to ask yourself under each so you can start figuring out how to implement the strategy for yourself.

as much as it feels good to blame the algorithm for making us feel like shit, the platforms are designed to show us what they think we’re interested in. and they can only go off our behaviour.

think about it this way, if your partner cooks you something and you keep eating it and saying thank you, they will think you like it and keep making it for you. the only way they will know you actually don’t like it is if you say something. in the same way, when you stay too long on posts that aren't good for you, you are telling the algorithm you like them.

instagram recently updated to let you customise your algorithm. you can now put in keywords that you are interested or not interested in. you can change your sensitive topics settings and political topics settings. posts and people you've marked as not interested in will shape it too. you have the ability to speak up when you don’t like something in real life, and you have to use that same skill when it comes to your social media.

helpful questions to ask yourself:

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